CHAPTER TWENTY THREE

TWENTY THREE
A nether consciousness enveloped me and I
dreamed, which is most unusual. There was a huge
fire and people were screaming and laughing and
reaching out to me. My garbage hauling truck driver
from Jersey City and the meth makers of last night
were at the forefront of a crowd that stretched to
the horizon, where flames could also be seen. These
people, I knew, were a vision of all my meals ever.
I turned around and there was the door to
Elaine’s. I dashed inside.

The place was empty, I
thought, and then I noticed Elaine in the back at my
table. She beckoned with a waving hand. Millie and
Patti were also at the table. I started toward them but
Detective Swiecki pushed me aside and ran toward
the women. Over his shoulder was slung a large black
canvas duffel bag. When he reached the table he
opened the bag and poured out its contents onto the
white tablecloth.
It was money, banded bank stacks of freshly
minted hundred dollar bills – each stack representing
ten thousand dollars. The song “Thick Stack of Hundred Dollar Bills” (click to listen)
from Café Lysistrata was playing from
the stereo speakers; only I recognized my own voice
singing it, not the chanteuse from my one recently
failed production.

All dressed up and feeling clean
Getting ready to make the scene
There’s nothing like a lot of green
Pocket full of hundred dollar bills
A thick stack of hundred dollars bills
Long massage -- that would be nice
And you don’t have to ask me twice
If I want some fancy rum with ice
Someone’s gonna pick up the tab
Peel off some Franklins, hop in a cab
TV touting tons of pills
Say they’re gonna cure all of my ills
Then they say that this stuff makes you
dizzy, bald, flatulent, impotent, or it kills.
Just gimme a stack of hundred dollar bills
Yeah a thick stack of hundred dollar bills
Republicans are insane
Democrats are yanking your chain
Making your loss the bankers gain
Where’s your stack of hundred dollar bills?
Where’s my stack of hundred dollar bills?
You give me money, I’ll find thrills
Yeah, I might even pay some bills
Find a lover who gives me chills
A thick stack of hundred dollar bills
Yeah a thick stack of hundred dollar bills
A thick stack of hundred dollar bills.

I belted out that last line. The only thing is – vampires cannot sing, except in dreams apparently. Meanwhile, the stacks of money overflowed the table, piling up on the floor, and it kept on coming. Just as it began to seem that the black cloth bag was an endless cornucopia of loot, Swiecki shook out the last of the paper treasure.
The women looked at me, and then Millie and Patti stood up and pulled out matching chrome automatic pistols. Swiecki turned around and he was holding a blue black .38 revolver.
Elaine said, “Everybody calm down. There’s enough here for all of us. We don’t need a Mexican stand off.”
They all smiled and put their guns away. Swiecki shoved his head into the pile of money, then his shoulders. He was on tiptoes and I knew he was being pulled into the pile by something or someone. Elaine reached over and gave him a slap on the butt and the pile sucked him all the way in. Millie and Patti looked at each other, shrugged and sat down.
I turned around to leave but there was a wall of flames.
It was a disconcerting vision. I awoke disoriented, unsure of where I was. I knew that the sun had set seconds before. I felt my powers rising. The balcony of the Belasco – it all came back to me. I uncurled out of the seat and saw that the orchestra seats were deserted. I heard Tony Crakow calling my name.